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There are four reasons you shouldn’t wish a stranger Happy Mother’s Day, and most people aren’t aware of them. How can saying something so sweet to someone be a problem? For many, it is, and we will explain how and why.
There’s a new trend that starts on about Thursday before Mother’s Day weekend. During this time, every store clerk, coffee barista, and movie attendant wishes every woman of childbearing age (or passed) a Happy Mother’s Day.
This sounds sweet and festive and…just a nice thing to do. It IS a nice thing to do with the Mothers in your life. You know these women personally, and expressing Mother’s Day salutations is loving, kind, and just…awesome. But what about strangers? What about women whom you don’t know anything about their life or their story? 7 Clear and Easy Steps When You Feel Stuck In Life
Yes… What About Them?
“Happy Mother’s Day” gets thrown around a lot. Many high-intentioned, well-wishers don’t notice the wince of pain that flickers across a woman’s eyes as she’s paying for her latte. They don’t see that the smile is fake and that the “Thank You” is weak.
So why would a woman not want to be wished such a sweet sentiment? Are these women being oversensitive or overdramatic? People are just trying to be nice to them, right? So what’s the problem? We can give you four reasons (there may be even more). So let’s talk about why you shouldn’t wish a stranger Happy Mother’s Day.
Reason You Shouldn’t Wish A Stranger Happy Mother’s Day #1
You Might Be Talking To A Daughter Whose Mother Has Passed.
A daughter never forgets her first Mother’s Day without her mother. There’s a lost feeling like a kite without a tail on any other day of that first year. But the first Mother’s Day with no one to call, no one to remember to get a card for, no one to take to lunch… seems a bit lost. It just feels weird and discombobulating. (Note: It can be a challenge to know what to do with all those feelings. We are big believers in journals and love this one for sorting out some of that discombobulation.
Yes, some Dads, but ALL Moms were there when we took our first breath. We’ve not known a moment of life without them in the background. Once we realize we are walking on a planet they are no longer stepping on, it feels sad…odd…surreal.
In time, healing will take the sting out of Mother’s Day without a mother. But that “Happy Mother’s Day” greeting can stir up even old emotions that a daughter didn’t know she had. So it might be best just to get her a cup of coffee or bag her groceries and wish her a nice day.
Reason You Shouldn’t Wish A Stranger Happy Mother’s Day #2
You Might Be Talking To The Daughter Whose Mother Is Still Alive…But Just Not There.
There are other ways to lose a mother besides death. Sometimes Mom isn’t dead. She’s just…not there. Many women have mothers who live in another state or even another country. There are daughters who, for solid reasons, are estranged from their moms and maybe haven’t talked to them in years. Much like a death, Mother’s Day is sad for these women.“Happy Mother’s Day” creates a cringe and a sigh of sorrow.
Then there are the daughters whose relationship with their mother is just…complicated. It’s not that Mom isn’t around. She is just very hard to be around. When relationships seem strained, it feels very fake and contrived to bring a potted plant to honor the one person who can hurt your feelings quicker than anyone. 7 Clear and Easy Steps When You Feel Stuck In Life
Reason You Shouldn’t Wish A Stranger Happy Mother’s Day #3
You Might Be Talking To The Mother That Is Grieving Her Own Child.
This is a reason that is almost too hard to write because it is so big. We all know and typically accept that if things work out as meant to be, we will bury our parents someday. But when a mother has to bury her child, something has gone terribly wrong.
The loss of a child is a pain that no one can imagine if they haven’t experienced it. It may have been years since their child’s accident, illness, or ill fate. However, it may also feel like yesterday whenever someone says, “Happy Mother’s Day”. Note: Click here for a lovely and helpful book on navigating grieving a child.
This One Has Another Tricky Component.
Another thing to know is that this one can be tricky even for women you know well. It’s not unusual for a woman to have had an abortion she regrets, a miscarriage, or a child that died in infancy that you don’t know about. These pieces of a woman’s life are quiet and private and often not talked about with even her close friends.
In these instances, a woman often suffers in silence, even if she goes on to have other children. It’s impossible for her not to think of the child that is supposed to be here and isn’t.
Reason You Shouldn’t Wish A Stranger Happy Mother’s Day #4
You Might Be Talking To The Woman Who Never Got To Be A Mother (and really, really wanted to).
This is another reason that could apply even to women you know well. When women get together, one of the first topics to cover is, “Do you have children?” If you don’t and are in childbearing years, the assumption is that you are just waiting for the right time.
If you are later in life, one of two responses happens. You get a sorrowful nod that says, “I’m so sorry,” as they assume you can’t have children. If you say you don’t have them by choice, you receive a look of disdain that says if you did have them, you might eat them.
When you are talking to a woman who is a stranger, you don’t know if she has children or not. You also don’t know if she wanted children or not. If she didn’t, there might be some regret on Mother’s Day for what could have been. If she really really did want kids and it never happened…Flowers and Hallmark Day is a sad tribute to what “should” have been. 7 Clear and Easy Steps When You Feel Stuck In Life
So, Those Are The Reasons You Shouldn’t Wish A Stranger Happy Mother’s Day.
Do they make sense now? It’s not about anyone being oversensitive or overly dramatic. It’s also not about walking on eggshells or carrying any woman around on a pillow. It’s about being aware and compassionate about what you may not know. It’s about being kind on a day that, for many, is tough. Isn’t being kind what it’s all about? Because you are a kind soul, we know…You’ve got this.
Pixi-Pebbles for Reasons You Shouldn’t Wish A Stranger Happy Mother’s Day…
We’ve used these little Pixi-Pebbles to move ourselves from a feeling we’re not enjoying very much…to a feeling that helps us discover our vision of intention, awareness, and direction.
They lead us to hope, possibilities, and a fire under our butt to live life by design instead of default.
In our blog, 4 Reasons You Shouldn’t Wish A Stranger Happy Mother’s Day, here is a Pixi-Pebble that came to mind…
Just a little inspiration to get you from here to there…
This organization is an organization we have followed for over 2 decades. It inspires as it reminds us of the best of humanity. In every message at the heart is to be mindful and kind to all.
However this topic touches you, check out The Foundation For A Better Life for a little inspiration, comfort and smiles to soothe your heart so you can pass it on.
