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People usually have a list when discussing the necessary steps to take after your divorce is final. It includes things like changing the name and address on your driver’s license and getting new health insurance. There might also be talk about changing wills and beneficiaries. Oh, and remember that if you change your name, you will need a new passport. Yep, all of that is important, and it matters. But we are talking about something else. I Think I’m Ready For A Divorce 7 Key Points To Help You Decide
We mean steps without needing paperwork or new photo ID. We refer to thoughts and actions to keep your sanity and help you keep your joy. Your life is full of all kinds of new …everything. So how do you feel like yourself when so much in your life seems odd and awkward and…weird? We have a whole set of steps to help things feel more normal and natural. It can help you create the life you are ready to fit into.
Steps To Take After Your Divorce Is Final #1.
Allow Yourself Time To Grieve (even if you don’t feel like you are grieving).
If you feel like you are grieving, you probably are. No one can know that better than you. But you could also be grieving and not know it. There are as many details about divorce as there are divorces. Of course there are situations involving infidelity, addiction, and deep pain. Ouch! Even if it feels more like a cuss word or a whimper, you know you are grieving in those situations. I Think I’m Ready For A Divorce 7 Key Points To Help You Decide
But there are times of grief that can sneak up on you. Maybe you chose your divorce and know this is the best thing for everyone. You may still go through a grieving process. It gets quiet when all the ink has dried and the drama has passed. That’s when you can feel what’s really inside of you.
But I’m Happy About This Divorce!
Perhaps you’re confident that you made a good decision. Maybe you won’t miss your ex. But there are other things to grieve. You may have left a home and have to start over. Even if you live in the same place, it doesn’t feel the same now that a person or people are missing. If you have children, they are now often at their “other” house with the other half of what used to be the family. It could even be that you didn’t get custody of the dog.
Regardless of the situation, things are different now. Even if it was a clean break and you walked out with all you walked in with, things are different. Allow yourself time to grieve what used to be. Then there is the grieving of what might have been or what you just know should have been. Whatever you feel you lost, give yourself time to grieve.
Steps: To Take After Your Divorce Is Final #2.
Create New Routines And Traditions.
One of the best ways to heal is to give yourself new routines and traditions. Remember, things are different, so allow them to be different. But make them look like you need them to look. You no longer have to work around a partner’s schedule or preferences. You get to create your own way of doing things in a timely matter that fits your needs. I Think I’m Ready For A Divorce 7 Key Points To Help You Decide
This will feel much better if you create and organize those routines rather than trying to make things up as you go. Things get stressful when things get messy and just feel…wrong. So give it some thought. How do you want to do things now?
This same step applies to traditions. This could apply to holidays, long weekends, or little things like taco Tuesday, Friday game night, or big breakfast on Sunday morning. Again, things are different, so allow them to be different. What new traditions could you start? Try Tamale Tuesday, Watermelon Wednesday, or Big Brunch Sunday.
Christmas and birthdays can look like whatever you say they should look like now. Decide what you don’t like about a holiday. Now is a perfect time to get rid of that. Think about what you do like. Get a double scoop of whatever that is.
Steps To Take After Your Divorce Is Final #3.
Claim Your Friends You Got In The Divorce And Also Make New Ones.
In every break-up, there is a dividing up of the friends. It’s not an intentional thing like choosing teams for basketball, but it does happen. It takes a special kind of person and a strong friendship for someone to remain friends with both of you. So, accidentally, you get who you get in the divorce.
Sometimes, you each take the friends you brought to the marriage. Sometimes, it’s about proximity, like whom you work with daily. Some people will just gravitate to one or the other of you. However, the osmosis of which of you get which friend works, claim those friends. These are people to whom you don’t have to explain where you’ve come from and where you’ve been. They were there and can be a great comfort.
This is also a great time to make new friends. This clean slate is a time to find your tribe. They could be like-minded people. They could be people who love the new interests that you’ve taken up since the divorce. They could also be unique people, different than your usual crowd, to learn from and enjoy.
Regardless, friends are essential during big times like after your divorce is final. Don’t collect people like Pokemon cards to keep from being lonely. But do recognize those that you enjoy their company or would like to get to know better.
Steps To Take After Your Divorce Is Final #4.
Allow Yourself Time To Discover What You Really Like Now.
It’s very easy to lose yourself when you are connected to another person emotionally, figuratively, and legally. In all that connection, lines can blur where their preferences and your” going-along-ness” criss and cross. You may have driven a red car because he thought automobiles came in two colors, red and black. You might have listened to his music because he was the one who knew how to use all the tech in the house. I Think I’m Ready For A Divorce 7 Key Points To Help You Decide
You may have deferred to her when a topic didn’t matter much to you. But now that it’s just you, maybe it matters? This is one of the most critical steps to take after your divorce is final because it helps you start defining…YOU. It’s time to discover what you like now?
Steps To Take After Your Divorce Is Final #5.
Allow Yourself Time To See All The New Possibilities.
Whether you feel like you are finally free or like you are about to climb a mountain pulling a Volkswagen, new possibilities are everywhere. You don’t have to know precisely what you want, and you definitely don’t have to get everything figured out now. We’re just encouraging you to “see”, “notice”, and “watch for” all the new possibilities that might not have existed before.
Here’s a journal we love for sorting the “after divorce” you. Click here to get your copy of “My Divorce Journal: A Guided Path To Moving Forward.”
Remember, things are different, so allow them to be different. This includes wearing new possibility glasses and seeing things with new eyes. If your ex hated to fly, you probably didn’t look at going anywhere you couldn’t drive. If your previous mate disliked sand, you probably didn’t plan many trips to the beach. Maybe your ex didn’t eat gluten, dairy, or red meat when you were married. If you don’t share that need or choice, consider all the new restaurants you can try now.
As a married person, you may not have considered jobs that involved travel or work that would relocate you to a different place. You might have avoided taking too much time for interests and hobbies. Now, your time is your own. How do you want to spend it?
Things Are Different Now, So Allow Them To Be Different.
After your divorce is final is a perfect time to find your authentic self and make genuine choices. This is a new place, and you get to decide what it will look like in your new life. Take your steps, take your chances, and create new opportunities. You’ve got this!
Pixi-Pebbles for Steps To Take After Your Divorce Is Final
We’ve used these little Pixi-Pebbles to move ourselves from a feeling we’re not enjoying very much…to a feeling that helps us discover our vision of intention, awareness, and direction.
They lead us to hope, possibilities, and a fire under our butt to live life by design instead of default.
In our blog, 5 Big And Necessary Steps To Take After Your Divorce Is Final, here is a Pixi-Pebble that came to mind…
Just a little inspiration to get you from here to there…
Music is one of our favorite Pixi Pebbles. This song by Whitney Houston reminds us to take things just one step at a time, Step By Step.
