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A common question about personal growth is how to navigate other people’s personal growth.” How do I survive while my husband works out his stuff?” (or some version of that) shows up in our inbox often.
The title of this blog reads, “husband,” but this is valuable information for any romantic partner, close friend, coworker, or maturing teen. People are people. The relationship type doesn’t matter as much as the intention to be supportive of someone who is choosing to grow and expand who they are.
Everyone hopes to find that emotionally mature person who has done their work. We all want to find someone who has their life in order and their squirrels in a row. Bonus points if they have overcome their past traumas and personal BS. However, significant others don’t usually just show up, plug and play right out of the box.
Building Together Can Mean Building Stronger
Many (and we mean a lot of) relationships are strong because they built their solid foundation together. That means building the plane while you are flying it. It means figuring it out together as you go. But what about when you are ahead of your beloved in knowing who you are, what you want, and understanding how life works? I Think I’m Ready For A Divorce 7 Key Points To Help You Decide
What if you aren’t in the same place in this journey, and everyone knows it? If your husband is willing to work on himself, do his healing and catch up, YEAH YOU! We tell people all the time that when we don’t heal our wounds, we will bleed on people who didn’t cut us.
Perfection would be finding someone after you have both killed your own rattlesnakes. But perfection isn’t needed. All that is required is a willing heart for everyone to do their work and do their best. But what do you do when you are ahead of the person you love in emotional maturity, knowing yourself and why you do what you do? Well, we have some suggestions.
How To Survive While My Husband Works Out His Stuff?” Suggestion #1
Remember…This Work Isn’t Yours To Do.
Sometimes, watching someone else do their personal work is like watching a four-year-old learn to tie their shoes. We so just want to say, “Here…let me do that for you?” It’s hard to watch the struggle, and it can seem like it’s taking forever. (No one gets to be smug right now because we have all been the person holding the shoe laces.)
You have to remember that this isn’t yours. Your support is essential, but your help should only be available if requested or if they really, really get stuck. Somebody watched each of us struggle with the strings and knots of self-development. If you had a good tennis shoe mentor, they encouraged you that you could do this and didn’t rush you to get it right. They watched and only stepped in if you really needed some direction or you got your shoe laces tangled in the cat’s tail.
If you are hoping for a solid person who knows themself, you have to let them do this work FOR themself, but not by themself. You are support staff. This isn’t your’s to fix.
“How To Survive While My Husband Works Out His Stuff?” Suggestion #2
Keep Communication Open.
We all need support staff when we take on a project. Remember that this is their work. However, you can help them remember what they are doing and why they are doing it. It’s easy to lose our place when things get challenging. We can forget what we intended to do when we started.
Sometimes we can all forget what we intended in the beginning. If your significant other forgets who they are and what they’re doing, it’s okay to gently remind them that they’re worth the effort. Let them know that they can ask for feedback, confirmation, validation, and help if they get too turned around. I Think I’m Ready For A Divorce 7 Key Points To Help You Decide
Make sure they know that admitting they need anything from you is not going to get them put in time out. Be sure they know that talking to you isn’t admitting defeat or getting called to the principal’s office.
Real inner work involves pausing to see where you are and what is needed next. Sometimes, new questions arise from the original ones, and personal meaning gets redefined. Your purpose is not to do the work, but to be supportive when they get to one of those spaces. They may just need some clarity or someone to bounce ideas off of.
“How To Survive While My Husband Works Out His Stuff?” Suggestion #3
Stay Connected And Check In.
We suggest that you stay out of your beloved’s way and let them do what they are trying to do. But we don’t mean check out. We mean stay connected and check in. Don’t make them feel like they are turning homework into the teacher. Don’t give a feeling of, “Ok, so are you done yet or what?”
The best way to check in is simply to listen when they are sharing…anything. Notice different nuances and perspectives. Ask gentle questions about what they are saying. Encourage them to discuss that further. Don’t “tell” them anything. Listen, ask another question, and listen some more.
Only offer help or insights if you see they have gotten way off course or have found poor information or motivation. Answers are more likely to become solutions and foundational beliefs when we feel like we found them ourselves. So give them room to discover what they are looking for. I Think I’m Ready For A Divorce 7 Key Points To Help You Decide
“How To Survive While My Husband Works Out His Stuff?” Suggestion #4
Find Your Own Stuff To Work On.
The best way to not intrude on someone else’s growth and inner work is to work on your own stuff in the meantime. Focus on your areas for improvement while they are working on theirs. Remember that you are support staff, not a co-project manager. That means this is not your project. THEY are not your new project either.
So find your own things to work on. We all want to feel like we are polished and refurbished and plug-and-play ourselves. Fortunately, there is always a new part of ourselves to discover, a new solution to life we haven’t looked at, and our own stuff to peel away another layer.
There may even be some new shoelaces for you while your person works on what is on their plate. Be patient with them and yourself and constantly remind them…”You’ve Got This!”
Pixi-Pebbles For How To Survive While My Husband Works Out His Stuff…
Pixi-Pebbles are songs, quotes, videos, interviews, movie references, and books that we each personally pick for you.
We’ve used these little Pixi-Pebbles to move ourselves from a feeling we’re not enjoying very much…to a feeling that helps us discover our vision of intention, awareness, and direction.
They lead us to hope, possibilities, and a fire under our butt to live life by design instead of default.
In our blog, How To Survive While My Husband Works Out His Stuff , here is a Pixi-Pebble that came to mind…
Just a little inspiration to get you from here to there…
Like we said, sometimes watching someone do their work is a lot like watching someone tie their shoes, so it can be helpful to focus on us…our work, our self. One of the ways we take care of ourselves is watching cool videos that lift us up, inspire us and give us good deposits in our mindset bank.
This Pixi Pebble is can help you do just that. Check out one of our Enchanted Perspective Videos that will help you calm down and chill out…click here and check it out.
