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Managing your energy after divorce can be a tricky situation. You’ve been focusing on how to take something apart for months, maybe even years. Now, everything in your life is telling you to keep it together. You didn’t divorce everything in your world, only your significant other. Things still have to keep going. YOU have to keep going with all the essential things and people that still need and expect you to have your poopy doo together.
Perfection would be signing your divorce papers and leaving immediately to sit on the beach until you’re all healed and whole again. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to leave the courthouse and then just stay in hibernation? What if you spent weeks in a cabin… by a stream…in the mountains…with a fire pit and…a hot tub?
Yeah, That’s Not My Options.
Yeah…thought that might be the dream. But that’s not usually what people face once they sign on that long, solid black line with the date beside it. You have things to take care of. It could be moving and making a new home. It might be children who are going through their own emotions and grief about this new arrangement. It might be your work or clients and customers. It might be navigating extended family who have no idea what you just walked through. (even though they think they do). I Think I’m Ready For A Divorce 7 Key Points To Help You Decide
So, how do you go about managing your energy after divorce? It might be hard to discuss this with family and friends right now. They may all have their own expectations of what you should be doing. Let’s talk about it right here. Let’s see if we can help you “keep it together” by understanding what your energy field, brain, and heart need to manage your energy.
Managing Your Energy After Divorce Step #1.
Be Gentle With Yourself, But Keep Moving.
We get it. There are 100 things to do in your life right now, and we understand that you may not feel like doing any of them. This is why we ask you to OWN that this has been a stressful time for…everyone. Things may have been emotional, and now everything feels new and weird.
For that reason, give yourself some grace and some space. Some things need doing now. Make a list of everything that needs your attention. If you aren’t up for lists, have a friend do it. Then, triage that list. If you aren’t familiar with that word, it refers to the battlefield. You give first attention, energy, and supplies to those bleeding and who might die. Then, you work your way down to little boo-boos and organize bandages that can wait till later. I Think I’m Ready For A Divorce 7 Key Points To Help You Decide
Your list is probably long, but everything on it doesn’t have to happen today or even this month. Be gentle with yourself. You’ve been through a lot. Allow yourself time to rest, gather your thoughts, and lick your wounds (which is an icky saying…but…you know what we mean.)
The balance is not pushing yourself too hard but not allowing yourself to lay on the couch for days. Keep moving. Make progress every day. Mark things off that list, but be gentle with yourself.
Managing Your Energy After Divorce Step #2.
Make Plenty Of Room For Your Feelings But No Scary Stories That Aren’t True.
You’ve been through a divorce. You’ve got cracks in your lifeline that will take some time to fill. Make room for all your feelings that will need unpacking. However, know it could be years before you have the distance and vantage point to see what really happened. In the meantime, don’t create scary stories that aren’t true. While you’re at it, don’t believe other people’s version of your story, either.
Often, people say things about their divorce that make for good dialog in a romance novel, but in reality, they’re over the top and…not true.
Examples:
“I gave him the best years of my life!”
This probably isn’t true, and even if it is, how would you know till you look back from your last breath? What if the best day of your life hasn’t happened yet?
“I’ve wasted 20 years in this marriage that I can never get back!”
While we can’t take years back in any form or fashion, you didn’t waste anything. You wouldn’t be who you are without every place you’ve been; every tear cried and every piece you picked up along the way. You wasted nothing. You invested. That investment may have brought return in the form of children, wealth, or memories.
“She took my soul with her!”
Ok…that sounds dramatic on the big screen, but again, in reality… impossible. No one can literally take your soul, break your heart (it’s still beating, right?), or bend your mind. Own your strength! You may feel like absolute crap on a cracker, but you still have all your parts…in working order, and you WILL get past this.
“I’ll never love like that again,” or “No one will ever love me like that again!”
You can’t know that. We’ve known people in their 70s to find new love. We’ve also known the person who would NEVER take that risk again, find their forever person anyway.
Managing Your Energy After Divorce Step #3.
Go Where You Know Your Authentic Self Is (And Your Ex Isn’t).
Maybe you can’t go to the beach or the woods for weeks or months. However, if that is your place, get there as much as possible. If that is still a stretch, go to that sweet coffee shop you love. Take a walk in the park. Spend time on the back porch watching the sunset. Go to places that feel like your home heart frequency. Hang out in the places where you can take a deep breath and allow yourself to heal and be your authentic self. I Think I’m Ready For A Divorce 7 Key Points To Help You Decide
Don’t set yourself up for failure when managing your energy after divorce. Stay away from places that you think your Ex might be. It’s tempting…it’s damn tempting. But don’t fall for that call from your ego. The dialog and interaction don’t usually play out as they might in your imagination. You might find your former love in your favorite restaurant…and not be alone. Regardless, when you fall for this idea, you may find yourself sad and remembering why you aren’t married to this person anymore.
Your Energy After Divorce Step #4. Feed Yourself In Every Way.
After your divorce, you may feel wonky in a dozen different ways depending on the relationship’s circumstances and the ending’s details. No matter what your story is, some spots may feel empty. Managing your energy after divorce is about filling yourself up to heal. You WILL heal and won’t feel this discombobulation, hurt, or emotions forever. For that healing to happen, you need energetic fuel. What feeds you?
Some suggestions:
You’ve taken quite the journey. Now, it’s time to stop for gas and fill your energy, brain, and heart with what feeds them. This is a lovely book about healing and divorce. Click here to check the divorce recovery book.
If you’re looking for inspirations for cultivating more mindfulness post-divorce, The Mindful Divorce: How To Heal And Be Happy After Separation offers helpful mindful techniques.
Managing Your Energy After Divorce Step #5.
Rediscover What Healing Feels Like To You.
It may have taken you a while to think about what healing feels like for you. Only you know all the steps of this journey. Own that it hasn’t been easy. We know that because divorce can be many things. Easy isn’t a typical description. I Think I’m Ready For A Divorce 7 Key Points To Help You Decide
Managing your energy after a divorce means finding the energy you need to keep the wheels turning in your life. But it also means investing time in your healing. You have so much life in front of you, regardless of age or circumstance. What would a healed you look like, be like, and act like? How would you feel? Who is the person you choose to become? What is this new life you choose to live?
The Intention Dot.
Make those questions your Intention Dot. There is an “X” that marks where you are. Your “Intention Dot” marks where you want to be. Ask yourself a simple question with every choice and every investment of time and money. “Does this get me closer to my “Intention Dot” or farther away?” Check-in to see if this action or choice helps you manage your energy after divorce or hurts and upsets you. Does it add to your healing and recovery from your divorce or pull you down in a spiral of grief and complicated stories? Rediscover what heals you and begin doing that now. You need that! You’ve earned that, and You’ve got this!
Pixi-Pebbles for Managing Your Energy After Divorce.
We’ve used these little Pixi-Pebbles to move ourselves from a feeling we’re not enjoying very much…to a feeling that helps us discover our vision of intention, awareness, and direction.
They lead us to hope, possibilities, and a fire under our butt to live life by design instead of default.
In our blog, Managing Your Energy After Divorce: 5 Helpful Steps To Keep It Together, here is a Pixi-Pebble that came to mind…
Just a little inspiration to get you from here to there…
Nature videos on youtube are one of our go to’s when we can’t get away to the beach or the mountains…and we really need a break. We also love these when we are journaling and just want some great background music and something pretty. Here’s one of our most recent favorites from the Soothing Relaxation Channel…Sunny Mornings.
