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We Broke Up A Month Ago. I’m Still Thinking These 5 Ridiculous Things.

Woman staring blankly out into the ocean thinking we broke up a month ago and I'm stilling thinking about it.

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Breaking up is hard. It doesn’t matter who you are or how long you were together. But we often hear people ask, “We broke up a month ago. Why does it feel like it was yesterday?” “Why aren’t I moving on?” It could be because of what you have been thinking about ever since you said goodbye. Perspective really is everything. At least 5 common ridiculous thoughts and things can get people stuck in the pain of a break-up.

It doesn’t matter who broke up with whom. The point is that you are no longer together. What you thought was going to happen… isn’t happening now. That hurts, and it can hurt a lot. The disappointment can get bigger than your box of Kleenex. If you broke up with them, you are disappointed you had to make that choice. If they broke up with you, there is a big disappointment that you weren’t their choice. How To Improve My Energy Field? 5 Fabulous Ways To Really Feel Better

The Reasons Don’t Matter.

Maybe it was a clash in how you saw the world or what your values were in life. It could have been confusion about where you fit in each other’s space. There may have been significant and misfortunate stuff like cheating, beating, or addictions. Perhaps it was just a lack of chemistry. As Momma used to say, “If it doesn’t cook, it just doesn’t cook.”

Regardless of the details, our thoughts can get tangled to the point of being ridiculous. Look deeply at these thoughts that can keep you stuck. Make sure “We broke up a month ago” doesn’t become “We broke up a year ago.” and you’re still living the same day over and over. What stories are you still telling yourself? Here is our Ridiculous Break-up Thinking List. You’re too smart for that. So, let’s check these out together.

The word time written in sand with ocean water partially washing it away.

“We Broke Up A Month Ago” Ridiculous Thought #1: “I Invested So Much Time. Maybe I Should Go Back.”

Sometimes, stepping away from a situation is hard because we have invested so much time it feels hard to leave. We can feel that way about leaving a profession when we just got the student loan paid off. We hesitate to leave a job we aren’t happy with because we have been there for so long. Relationships can fall under the same thinking.

Through tears, someone will say, “But I’ve got too much time invested in this relationship to leave,” or “I gave them the best years of my life. Maybe I should go back!” Then, there is much talk about “wasted time” and “lost years.”

Time Is Time.

The fact is time is time, and years are years. Life is about investing your days and moments and not knowing the return. You don’t lose your college education or credentials if you change careers. It doesn’t make the fact that you got that degree any less important because you are no longer doing the specific things you went to college for. You are still an educated person. The years of experience gained in your career and the time you spent in college go with you when you leave. There is no waste.  How To Improve My Energy Field? 5 Fabulous Ways To Really Feel Better

Relationships are the same way. The time you spend with someone is time you invest in learning, understanding life, and gaining experience. The only way time falls to waste is by investing time in something that no longer brings you joy or meaning. So going back just because you were together for a long time is pointless. The moment you do that is when you really start wasting time trying to make something work that is over.

Two people holding two hearts towards each other illustrating we broke up a month ago and feeling like you'll never find love like that again.

“We Broke Up A Month Ago” Ridiculous Thought #2: “I’ll Never Find Love Like That Again.”

This one is probably the most common. It’s so human to recognize what you loved about this person. Then you think about your time together and wonder if you can ever find that again. It’s also very human for self-doubt to settle in to make you wonder if YOU can ever find that again.

We can’t tell you how many times someone has told us, “All the good ones are married,” Then, introduce us to their “Good One” later down the road. There are millions of awesome people out there looking for other awesome people. We’ve seen folks find love in their 70’s and 80’s. Time hasn’t gone to waste, you are not too old, and YES, you will find love again.

You won’t be starting “over.” This time, you will begin knowing things you didn’t know before. Experience is your friend and wingman. You will start in a better, wiser, “I know stuff” place than before. You will find love again and choose with understanding, maturity, and Chutzpah (said “Huts-Puh,” by the way) you didn’t have in the past. How To Improve My Energy Field? 5 Fabulous Ways To Really Feel Better

Woman silhouette looking at a large hand holding a heart illustrating we broke up a month ago and thinking about potential of relationship.

“We Broke Up A Month Ago” Ridiculous Thought #3: “ Maybe It Wasn’t That Bad.” (Otherwise known as yearning for the potential of what could have been instead of what was.)

Fortunately, women forget the pain of childbirth. Otherwise, every family would just have one kid. In the pain of a breakup, we can forget the pain of the relationship. It’s a coping mechanism of our brain. It’s easier to deal with something that “wasn’t that bad.”

It’s why you will hear someone speak ill of a parent or spouse. But not long after they pass away, suddenly, they are talked about like they lived as a saint. We let the bad memories fade away. It helps hurtful situations not hurt quite so much.

It’s helpful in grieving but not so much in a break-up. It’s deceiving if we create a make-believe story about what happened and what didn’t happen. It’s a problem when we can’t let go of someone because we are telling ourselves our ex was good for us…when they weren’t.

Don’t Rewrite History That Didn’t Happen.

It’s prevalent for any of us to fall in love with the potential of someone rather than the reality of someone. Part of loving someone is seeing the best in them. But it can also be common to rewrite history with what the relationship had the potential to be rather than how it really showed up. We often tell you to be mindful of telling yourself scary stories. But also be aware of making up romantic fairy tales about a person who had the potential to be a lot of things that they… weren’t.

Pink roses with the words I'm sorry illustrating an apology after we broke up a month ago.

“We Broke Up A Month Ago” Ridiculous Thought #4: “Maybe It WAS All My Fault.”

There is another part of telling the relationship story better than it was or turning your lost love into someone better than they were. Own your piece of all that happened. Occasionally, someone will say they didn’t have a part. If you were there…you had a part.

But also, don’t turn on yourself and lay all the blame on you as an excuse to go back to something that wasn’t good for you. Again, we can retell the story in a dozen different ways with some truth attached. Our memory does little somersaults with the facts. Whatever happened, there is no way it was all about you. Again, if two people were there, two people had a part in this.  How To Improve My Energy Field? 5 Fabulous Ways To Really Feel Better

If there was something to learn from this experience, acknowledge it, own it, and take a victory lap. If you did something wrong, apologize or make amends if appropriate. If you were the bad guy, own it. But there’s still no reason to return to a relationship that wasn’t right for you. Don’t get stuck in a story about how it all happened. It’s time to heal, realize what you learned, and move on to a better space in life.

Older woman standing at a bridge in park daydreaming.

“We Broke Up A Month Ago” Ridiculous Thought #5: “Maybe They’ve Changed.”

This thought usually comes up when we start missing our ex or when they’re begging us to give it another try. We aren’t saying that people don’t or shouldn’t ever reconcile or save their relationship. However, we ask the same question when the reconciliation option shows up. “What changed?”

We don’t mean how they want to change, how they say they will change, or how you want them to change. We mean, what is different now from how it was before?
If nothing has changed…nothing is changing.

So What Changed?

Often, the answer we get is, “But they have changed.” Awesome! In what way? This is where things get spicy and dicey. Occasionally, there really has been a change that will affect what the problem was. Maybe your beloved has stopped drinking, started therapy, or quit a back-breaking job. Possibly, your sweetie can list where they went wrong. Perhaps they have a list of solutions for how they will do things differently from here on to forever. If that’s the case…there is definitely something to consider.

But most of the time, nothing has changed. You just miss them or are afraid of being alone or don’t have a plan to go forward, so… backward will do. If you know it’s over, let it be over. If you really are thinking a second verse might be in this song, we suggest a “wait and see” approach. Give the other person space to grow. Give yourself time to heal. What’s the rush? If change is happening, give it time before you run back into your little bliss bubble.

Woman smiling with the words you can do this.

Give Yourself First Dibs Before Second Guessing Yourself.

Again, perspective really is everything. The stories you tell yourself are what you will believe, whether they are true or not. So give yourself first dibs at the time to heal, reinvent yourself, and discover who you really are. Stop second-guessing yourself. How To Improve My Energy Field? 5 Fabulous Ways To Really Feel Better

“We broke up a month ago” isn’t long, but it is too long to sit at home suffering over something that wasn’t working for…someone. Be kind to you. Buy yourself flowers. Take yourself to dinner. Go do something fun that they didn’t ever enjoy. Listen to your music that they didn’t like. But mostly, pay attention to the stories you tell yourself about yourself and them. Stop thinking ridiculous things and get on with the good stuff. You’ve Got This!

Enchanted Perspectives Pixi Pebbles Banner Cover

Pixi-Pebbles For When you are thinking… We Broke Up A Month Ago and I am still thinking about it. 

Pixi-Pebbles are songs, quotes, videos, interviews, movie references, and books that we each personally pick for you.

We’ve used these little Pixi-Pebbles to move ourselves from a feeling we’re not enjoying very much…to a feeling that helps us discover our vision of intention, awareness, and direction.

They lead us to hope, possibilities, and a fire under our butt to live life by design instead of default.

In our blog, We Broke Up A Month Ago. I’m Still Thinking These 5 Ridiculous Things, here is a Pixi-Pebble that came to mind…

Just a little inspiration to get you from here to there…

If you stick around Enchanted Perspectives very long, you’ll learn we are big believers in cranking up those power songs and doing a little dancing. So, if you are needing a little empowerment click here to check out Kelly Clarkson’s song Stronger… and go ahead crank it up and do a little empowerment dance. Thanks to Kelly Clarkson for the post break up anthem!

 

 

Meet Nikki:

Nikki has a way of making almost anything meaningful, interesting, and fun. She loves cats, believes you can learn a lot about yourself by shooting hoops in the park, and has a mad love affair with trees. As a Certified Neuro-linguistic Programming Practitioner, Intentional Living Mentor, Reiki Master, and Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, she understands how to help others create change and has a talent for making you enjoy doing it.

Enchanted perspectives creator Nikki and Jennifer sitting against tree

Meet Jennifer:

Jennifer is a woman who definitely lives life by design. As an Artist, Certified Holistic Life Coach, Reiki Master Teacher, Spiritual Studies Mentor, and Certified EFT Practitioner, she helps others find their unique, magical, and authentic selves. She loves art, music, nature, travel and believes everyone can dance. Jennifer is a compassionate teacher that enjoys inspiring others to find their own creativity, intuition, and passion for life.
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Perspective Really Is Everything.

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