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Being your authentic self is not selfish. That might be hard for some people to believe. Some think that being your authentic self means doing whatever you want with no thought to others well-being.
Those same people often believe it means “ to hell with what anyone else wants.” We are here to say that both assumptions are nowhere near what being your authentic self is.
We often use the word “Authentic” when talking about an authentic piece of art or a genuine artifact. It means that the item is what it claims to be. The article is precise and accurate as it is defined. It’s not a fake or a reproduction. 7 Ways to Discover the Real You With Enchanted Perspectives
It has a similar meaning when it comes to people. It means genuine and organic. Everyone loves to be around someone who speaks and acts authentically. We all love organic conversation that has no plastic expectation or agenda.
We usually enjoy down-to-earth connections with someone who seems to feel good in their skin. Time spent with those unique individuals feels safe, warm, and fulfilling. This is how time with a person being their authentic self feels.
Authentic, genuine, and organic are all synonyms. A person who lives from their authentic self feels good and usually feels very good to be around. However, somehow in our modern vernacular, we have the misperception that being your authentic self also means being selfish. So let’s talk about why one has nothing to do with the other. 7 Ways to Discover the Real You With Enchanted Perspectives
Truthful Reason That Being Your Authentic Self Is Not Selfish #1: There Is No Such Thing As “Selfish.”
We can hear that “needle scratching across the vinyl record” sound effect when we say this. It’s a statement that gets everyone’s attention and sets the tone for friendly debate. But when you hear our reasons, you may be out of the debating mood.
Think about the word “Selfish.” You don’t hear the word except when you or someone else wants you to do something that you don’t want to do. Think about it. Imagine someone asking you to do something that isn’t a good fit for you.
If you are like most people, you will give a reason. If you don’t have a reason, you will create a reason (otherwise known as an excuse).” For example, I can’t help you move because I have to wash my hair Saturday.”
Because you have a reason/excuse, your conscience will let you off the hook. The fact is, even if it were a dumb reason, most other people would take you off the worklist too. But what about when you don’t have an excuse, and your reason is just that you don’t want to?
This is usually when the “Selfish” word gets thrown out. It’s hard for some to believe that you can not do something simply because you don’t want to. What? Can you really do that? Yes, it can be done, and it can be done by you. It can also be done without being a jerk. 7 Ways to Discover the Real You With Enchanted Perspectives
You Can Be Authentic And Still Be Pleasant.
When you just have other plans or don’t want to, that’s when it comes up. You might just hear it in your head, or it might come out of someone else’s mouth. “Well, aren’t you selfish?” Sometimes there is a “Shame on you…” at the front of it. If no one says it to us, we will say it to us.
We think to ourselves, “Yeah, I’ve worked 55 hours this week, my house is a wreck, and I’m exhausted, but…I don’t want to be selfish” “Yeah, I’ll help you move.”
You will know you have agreed to something you didn’t want to do in just a few minutes. You will know it because almost immediately, dread and resentment will set in. But most of us would prefer dread and resentment over the shame of being selfish.
In reality, there is no such thing as selfish. If it were a real thing, “selfish” would exist in another context besides someone manipulating you to get what they want.
The person calling you selfish is usually trying to manipulate you into doing what they want you to do. In which case, they are doing what they are accusing you of…only thinking of themselves.
Being your authentic self is not selfish because there is no such thing as selfish. There is, however, such a thing as Self Absorbed and Self Supporting. Self Absorbed is the true essence of what we confuse with the word Selfish.
We all know someone who is Self Absorbed. Everything is about them, what they want and how they want it. They aren’t only unaware of others’ feelings and needs; they don’t care.
You Can Be Authentic And Still Care About Other People.
You know that person that sucks all the air out of the room? They need so much attention and ego-stroking that there is no room for anyone else. This is self-absorbed, not selfish. The mantra for self-absorbed is, “I want what I want- when I want it.”
Their wants are so significant they have no time or attention to give to what anyone else wants or needs. But, of course, no one means to be this way. It just happens when we have no self-awareness in the big picture.
In the small picture, it can happen to any of us when we are hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. When we feel the need for more energy, we take it from others or anywhere we can get it.
Self Supporting is an entirely different thing. This is when you make decisions based on what you know is the best, safest, kindest choice for your personal well-being.
Yes, you could help your friend move, but you’ve worked 55 hours this week. You need alone time, time to take care of your home responsibilities, and some downtime. So helping someone move is not a good idea.
Self Supporting is what we all need for ourselves and what we hopefully want for anyone we care about too. If a person knows you well enough to ask you to help them move, they know you well enough to care about your personal well-being. 7 Ways to Discover the Real You With Enchanted Perspectives
So How Do I Say An Authentic, “No,” And Not Be Selfish?
Maybe you want to help this person, but this weekend is not a good time. There are kind and supportive responses that would also be self-supporting for you. “I’m so sorry. I can’t help you move this weekend. I’ve put in a week and a half and am a bit undone.” “I can’t help you move, but I would love to bring dinner over for you one night.”
If this is someone you don’t know well enough to help with such a big and personal chore, it’s different. The best answer might be just, “So sorry…I already have a full weekend.” Enough said.
Sometimes you want to help, just not on that day or not in that way. A friendly but self-supporting thing to say is, “I can’t do this, but I would be happy to do that.” Most of the time, people are just pleased that you want to help. They don’t mind that you declined their original request.
We believe being your authentic self isn’t selfish for a big reason. There is no such thing as selfish. You spent too long becoming a grown-up to be at everyone else’s whim and measure. So you get to own your authentic self and your authentic time. 7 Ways to Discover the Real You With Enchanted Perspectives
Truthful Reason That Being Your Authentic Self Is Not Selfish #2: There Is No Such Thing As Being Overconfident.
One of the biggest reasons we find it hard to speak up for ourselves is the fear of being called selfish. Another reason you might be afraid of being your authentic self is a fear of being perceived as being arrogant.
It’s crazy enough to tell folks there is no such thing as selfish. Now we will really stretch your belief system. What if we told you there is also no such thing as being overconfident?
Yes, there is such a thing as arrogant. But that is where the misperceptions start. We fear that if we are confident in our own skin, we will be perceived as arrogant. We worry that if we are comfortable living our authentic lives, we will BE arrogant. You won’t become arrogant. You will become confident.
We tell ourselves that we all want to be confident but not too confident. We often believe that if we get confident, we will hop, skip, and one big froggy jump to overconfident. Then we believe the synonym for overconfident is arrogance.
We would like to give new meaning to that whole conversation. There is no such thing as “over-confident” There is CONFIDENT and NOT CONFIDENT. When you witness someone being ARROGANT, you are witnessing NOT CONFIDENT.
Now that we have you good and confused grab a cup of coffee, and let’s talk about this. When a person is truly confident, they don’t need to make a big deal about much of anything. If you disagree with their opinion, they aren’t ruffled, and they aren’t upset. They aren’t ruffled because you agreeing or not agreeing doesn’t define their value.
If you need a little help in the confidence department we love this book from the Badass series of books (Click here to get your copy). This one is affirmations written with the wit and wisdom of wild women. How cool is that?
Being Your Authentic Self Is Not Selfish Or Arrogant.
A person with real money who is comfortable having that money does not need to show off. A person who doesn’t have money but wants you to think they do is very showy. They feel a need to brag about what they have.
This will also happen when a person has money but is not sure they deserve it. They need other people’s admiration and envy to feel good about themselves.
An intelligent person who is confident in what they know doesn’t care that you know how smart they are. They know what they know, and you knowing doesn’t matter to them. On the other hand, a person who feels inferior to everyone else will constantly do things to show off how important they are.
All this to say that when you see someone being low key, solid in who they are, that’s confidence. When you see someone acting what we tend to call overconfident, that is really no confidence at all. It’s just arrogance. When someone acts out in arrogance, it’s because they have no confidence. Confidence is quiet, but solid and strong.
So the confidence that comes with being your authentic self will make you more pleasant to be around, not less. It will make you of more value to those around you, not an annoyance.
A truly confident person will never feel the need to make someone else small, so they feel big. A genuinely confident, authentic person wants win-win for everyone. Being your authentic self is not selfish or arrogant. It’s a gift you bring to those around you. 7 Ways to Discover the Real You With Enchanted Perspectives
Truthful Reason That Being Your Authentic Self Isn’t Selfish #3: The More You Live As Your Authentic Self, The More You Have to Share With Others.
By most people’s definition, being selfish is about being arrogant and not thinking or caring about others. We genuinely believe there is no such thing as selfish. However, self-absorbed, self-centered, and arrogant are alive and well.
Being your authentic self can’t be selfish because it allows you to do so much more to help others. You can’t fill up milk glasses with an empty pitcher. When you are being your authentic self, you are so full of life that you want to share…sometimes have to share with others.
Being your authentic self isn’t selfish because it gives you so much more to offer. It also makes you more pleasant to be around because everything doesn’t have to be about you.
You naturally have more patience and compassion when you are true to yourself and live authentically. You feel no need to make anyone else feel dumb, poor, or small. You don’t have to make anyone feel like they are less so you can feel like more.
In being your authentic self, you can just…be. When you are being your authentic self, you feel good about yourself and solid in who you are. The remarkable thing is that your genuine, quiet confidence gives everyone in the room the space and compassion to do the same. 7 Ways to Discover the Real You With Enchanted Perspectives
Being your authentic self is not selfish because, in your authenticity, you will just naturally hope the same for everyone else you meet. You’ll be excited about others’ good fortune and accomplishments. You will enjoy being your authentic self and inspire others to do the same. YOU ROCK!
Pixi Pebbles…For Being Your Authentic Self…
Pixi-Pebbles are songs, quotes, videos, interviews, movie references, and books that we each personally pick for you.
We’ve used these little Pixi-Pebbles to move ourselves from a feeling we’re not enjoying very much…to a feeling that helps us discover our vision of intention, awareness, and direction.
They lead us to hope, possibilities, and a fire under our butt to live life by design instead of default.
In our blog 3 Truthful Reasons That Being Your Authentic Self Is Not Selfish message, these are the Pixi-Pebbles that came to mind.
Just a little inspiration to get you from here to there.
We love the folks over at Fearless Soul on YouTube… They have amazing music and empowerment videos. This is a great motivational speech to get you started with being authentic self.
One of our favorite lines from this one is “Get out of your head, get into your heart. Do more of what lights you up and less of what makes you look at your phone.”
Click Here To Listen to Be Yourself Motivational Talk by Fearless Soul
