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7 Ways To Discover The Real You With Enchanted Perspectives

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In this busy and fast-changing world, it’s easy to get lost in everyone else’s stuff. But, when you discover THE REAL YOU, you’ve found the magic jelly bean to know where you start and everyone else ends. 

In our decades of working with people, we have seen that holding a mindset of Enchanted Perspectives is like a map to discovering THE REAL YOU. We’ve mentioned this before but let’s talk about it again (cause it’s kind of a big deal).

Enchanted Perspectives is a way of thinking, doing, and being that helps you experience more of what you choose in your life. It means giving less energy to what you don’t want and so much more to what really matters to you.

What Do We Mean By “Enchanted Perspective”?

To us, the word “Enchanted” isn’t airy-fairy. It means a way to discover your vision, a way to clarify intention, awareness, and direction. We mean “Enchanted” as a way to inspire, create and manifest the real person you choose to be and the life you choose to live. Enchanted Perspective is a beautiful tool to discover THE REAL YOU. Isn’t that what we all are hoping to find? 

Everyone already knows what perspective is. It’s how you choose to look at your life. Unfortunately, most people forget they have a “choice” of perspective in almost any situation. We hope you hear us when we say You can create your life by desire and design instead of denial and default. You create your perspective. So choose a good one.  5 Fabulous Ways to Live By Design Instead of Default

woman jumping in the hair with balloons message in photo live by design to discover the real you

We not only believe that you can create a life by design instead of default. We will show you how to do it. Discovering THE REAL YOU is a choice in perspective that can change everything that happens next… and what happens next after that.

We live in a world where everyone has an opinion. With social media, they also have a microphone and a platform. You probably have well-meaning friends, family, parents, maybe even a significant other. They all have an idea about who you are, what you should be doing, and what’s best for you.

multicolored chalk sticks making rainbow with question in image where do you begin and someone else end an important question to answer to discover the real you

Know Where Others Stop And You Begin.

They get to have an opinion. But they don’t get to make your choices.  It’s so easy to lose track of where we stop and where others begin. Listening to what everyone else thinks you should be doing can feel like listening to a dozen radio stations at once. It just feels like noise and makes your head hurt. 

We can all get so caught up in people-pleasing. In trying to get along and keep the peace, we can lose our perspective of what we wanted in the first place. What Is The Opposite Of People Pleasing? Empowerment While Still Being Nice

We all have so many people with those self-ordained microphones telling us how we are supposed to look, what we need to think, and what should make us afraid.  We can lose our voice as all the noise drowns it out. If we aren’t careful, we will recite what they say to ourselves when we don’t even believe it.  4 Fabulous Ideas How to Find Yourself When You Feel Lost

old book with title 7 ways to discover the real you with Enchanted Perspectives.

We offer 7 ways to discover the real you with Enchanted Perspectives. Remember, Enchanted Perspectives isn’t “Just think happy thoughts.” It’s about finding new ways to look at things that help you discover THE REAL YOU.

Way Of Enchanted Perspective #1: To Discover The Real You, Get To Know Yourself. 

The better you know yourself, the better you will know…everything.

Aristotle, a man who made a significant contribution to the world of knowledge, said, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of wisdom” Isn’t that what we all want…wisdom? Don’t we all want to have the bat phone to the solution angels so that we know the best thing for us at any given time? 

little boy with tin can to his ear listening

Who Me…Wise…What?

If your next thought is, “Who me…wise…what,” that is a good sign you don’t know yourself very well at all. Who in the world could know you better than you? No one can know how hard you have worked, the easy parts, and where the tangled details are hiding. No one knows your story as you do. No one else can know what is behind your eyes that you let few others see. The wisdom of you is a beautiful, powerful friend. Get to know voice. It’s awesome!

How do you do that? How would you do it with anyone else? First, you would want to spend some time with them alone. You would want to hear them talk, hear their story, feel the rhythm of what life looks like to them. Then, you would listen to them…really listen. You would ask questions, laugh together, connect and share. 4 Great Ways to Live Life by Design and Know What Really Matters to You

hygge scene of tea cup journal and pen

Have A “Get To Know” You Date With Yourself.

We recommend you start having some “get to know you” dates with yourself.  That might mean getting up a little early (before the house gets busy) to drink a quiet cup of coffee, journal, watch the birds. It might mean going to bed early with a magazine that makes you daydream about what you truly want. 

It might be a walk in the woods. It might be taking yourself out for the best YOU day ever. Make it a day for you and all the things you like, whether anyone else likes them or not. Listen to music that touches your soul. It could be music with no words. Maybe that music has lyrics that you  know you could have written. Read or listen to books and poetry that speak to your heart. Sit with the cat, watch the sunset, get up in time for the sunrise. 

hygge scene cat person reading in bed with cup of coffee

The point is that you do things that touch you and connect with all your senses and feelings. First, listen to what you have to say. Then be still enough to feel what that little voice encourages you to know. 

If any part of you thinks that this sounds like you are being self-centered, you’re not. Know that you can only know someone else as well as you know yourself. There is a saying that you can only touch someone else’s pain as deeply as you have touched your own. 

This process works for other topics too. The more you know what matters to you, the easier it is to support what matters to others. The more you know what you want, the easier it is to communicate well in any relationship. That makes it easier to understand what they want. The more connected you are to yourself, the easier the connection with others.  3 Truthful Reasons That Being Your Authentic Self Is Not Selfish

smiling girl standing in superhero pose with reflection in water of her as a superhero

Discover The Real You And Understand Other Stuff Too.

The better you know yourself, the better you will understand others’ stumbles and slips without taking them personally. The better you know yourself, the less afraid you will be of change. When you discover The Real You, you will no longer be afraid of your own power. 

When you get to know yourself, you are less likely to get tangled in other people’s stuff. So getting to know yourself better will enhance pretty much every situation in your life. You aren’t being self-centered or self-absorbed. You are being true to yourself and giving everyone who comes in contact with you… permission to do the same.

You will find you have your own 5G line to your Inner Wisdom and Self-Awareness. You will be in touch with you…When you discover The Real You, your life will upgrade pretty much everything else.

baby making funny face

Way Of Enchanted Perspective #2: There Is No Such Thing As Selfish.

Let’s get this out of the way right here before you start sending us emails asking if we are out of our ever-loving minds. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS SELFISH. There is Self-Supporting and Self-Absorbed. 

Being The Real You is never selfish. Being genuine to who you are is never selfish. So all together now, “Being your authentic self is not selfish!” You also aren’t selfish when you know what you want and need.

hygge desk scene with words being your authentic self is not selifish an important truth to know to discover the real you

Let’s talk about the word “SELFISH.” First, you never ever hear that word except when someone else wants you to do something you don’t want to do. You don’t even say it to yourself except when you want to do one thing and feel like you “should” do something else. So let’s just get rid of the word altogether. Its only purpose is manipulation. Instead, let’s talk about being self-supporting and self-absorbed.

Self-Supporting To Discover The Real You.

Self-Supporting is when it is healthy, helpful, even necessary to take genuine care of you, your situation, your family, and your life. For example, someone wants you to go to the movies with them. You like this person, and a film with them would be fun. However, you know you are running on fumes and need a night to stay in just you and you. 

african american woman in pink shirt hugging herself smiling

Maybe you know you have a deadline at work, and movie night will create a good deal of avoidable stress. Not going isn’t selfish. It’s self-supporting. So you tell your friend that you can’t go this week but would love to go next week. If they can only go this week, tell them you totally understand if they invite someone else. You will catch them next time.

young girl with birthday hat crying


Self-Absorbed isn’t near as sweet or pleasant to be around. We all know that person that sucks all the air out of the room when they arrive. They find a way to make everything about THEM. They don’t care about anyone else’s needs. They only care about what they want and whether they are getting it or not. That is Self-absorbed. Yeah…pretty icky. 

It’s sometimes a good topic when you have one of those “getting to know you” talks with yourself. Stop shaming yourself about being selfish. Instead, create honest communication with the real you in asking, “Am I being self-supporting or self-absorbed” That is not only a more thoughtful conversation. It is much more helpful communication. 

illustration sticky notes not living life by default live life by design to discover the real you

Way Of Enchanted Perspectives #3: To Discover The Real You Live Your Life By Design Instead of Default.

Maybe from movies and TV, we got the idea that life is the luck of the draw. With that thinking, you hope you might draw the long straw. Long straw brings you the easy peasy situations with the good life fairies living in your pocket. But, on the other hand, you also might get the short straw where everything is hard, and nothing ever works out. 

Thinking like that is believing in “Default.” It’s believing some people are lucky, and some aren’t. You just didn’t draw the “good life” straw. People aren’t born into good lives or bad lives. Some situations are easier or more challenging, but good lives are created by “Design.”

illustration using twisty straws there is no bad or good life straw only life by design as you discover the real you

People are born into challenging situations and easier situations than you. However, we all know people who started with no one, nothing, and no support. We’ve heard their stories of striving instead of just surviving. We know people who created an extraordinary life totally different than where they started. We also might know someone who had every advantage but made one poor choice after another or no choice at all, leading to a life of hardship.

multicolored words jackpot perfect life because no life is perfect but when you discover the real you it is the jackpot in life

There Isn’t A “Good Life” Lottery.

Yes, there is advantage and disadvantage. But there is also a choice in what to do with both. What most of us call a good life is a life well chosen. A well-lived life is one that you design using your own intention, choices, and wisdom backed up with work and action.

How do you live a life by design? First, you discover THE REAL YOU, Get to know THE REAL YOU, and ask that Self, “Self, who do we want to be and what do we want our life to look like?” Don’t worry about the “How” that will come. Just ask the question. Listen to the answer and start watching for the Pixi-Pebbles of design (what we call magical bread crumbs of inspiration, intention, idea, and info to get you where you want to be.) After that, the action step will show up for you.

Way Of Enchanted Perspective #4: Know That The Real You Isn’t Lost Or Stuck, And You Haven’t Missed Your Chance. 

The Real You isn’t lost. That person is just hanging out, waiting for an invitation to the party. Now and then, you can hear that inner voice saying, “When do I get to do what I want to do?’ “What about what I want?” “What about what matters to me?” Real You isn’t lost. It knows where it is. It knows who it is. It’s just waiting for you to get quiet enough to hear the questions…and the answers.

The Real You also isn’t stuck. That part of you might be tangled in all the “should” and “have to do’s,” but it’s not stuck. It’s just waiting for the thinking, decision making, aware part of you to write a permission slip letting the Real You come out to play. 5 Incredible Steps: How Do To What Really Matters To You For A Living

woman swinging at sunset in a field representing an activity to discover the real you

The Real You also hasn’t missed out. This isn’t Cinderella and a striking clock at midnight. There is time, and that time is just waiting for its turn. As unsure as things can seem, you are in the right place, doing exactly what needs to be happening at the best timing. What you are looking for is looking for you. The more you can discover The Real You, the more you will find your own truth. Let’s say that part again. WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR IS LOOKING FOR YOU.

couple driving through mountains at sunset in convertible

Way Of Enchanted Perspective #5: It’s Ok To Be The Real You Even When You Are In A Relationship.

We often hear both women and men say that they are good at being their authentic selves when alone. However, it all goes out the window when they’re in a relationship. 

If we aren’t careful, it’s very easy to begin wanting to please someone more than we want to be true to who we are. The teeter-totter of it all is understanding that on one side, we want to be liked, maybe even loved. On that same side, we want to get along. 

children's teeter totter in sandbox representing the teeter totter in relationships as you discover the real you

On the opposite side of that, teeter-totter is making sure that we aren’t just trying to become what someone else wants us to be. How many times have any of us lost our way in a relationship? Know that healthy relationships mean that each side is honest and open about their needs and wants. Then there is conversation and communication about a way to best get everyone what they need.

If you are a different person around your mate than you are around your friends, that teeter-totter is out of balance. If you wear your hair and act the way someone else wants instead of how you want, something is off balance. If you have to give up who you really are for someone to love you, then that’s not really love. It’s people-pleasing and manipulation. 4 Really Big Secrets to Still Be Your Authentic Self In Relationships

woman looking at her reflection in mirror in the weeds

What If You Were The Same Person With Or Without Someone?

It’s said that you will know you are very compatible with someone when being with them is just like being alone. That can get misunderstood. If being with someone is like being alone…what’s the point? The statement means that you have found a compatible match in a friend, business partner, or mate when you don’t have to be someone else to be with them. When you are with them, you don’t act any differently than when you’re alone. 

What this would look like in real life is you show up as the Real You. They, in turn, have permission to be the real them. Everyone is at ease with the lovely feeling of being with someone that you can truly be authentic with without having to sensor yourself. This is not only possible. With some self-awareness and practice as you discover the Real You…you won’t settle for anything less.  6 Really Useful Self Forgiveness Exercises For When It’s Time To Move On 

desk scene with coffee cup pencil cup notebook with no wants drawn

Way Of Enchanted Perspective #6: Discover The Real You By Knowing What You Don’t Want.

There is a saying that the reason we don’t get what we want is that we don’t know what we want. That is incredibly true. Often when we ask someone what they want, it is a terrifying question. No one has ever asked. Maybe no one ever even cared. We do. How can you create what you want when you don’t know what you want?

In reality, it’s usually not that people don’t know. They know at least the high points or the pieces of what they want. They just don’t know the “How” of putting that picture together. Because they don’t know the “HOW,” they are afraid to even think about it. 

little boy pointing to words what and why comes first because knowing this is important to discover the real you.

Often we are afraid to know the answer because what if we don’t know how to make it all real. That can seem too big, too scary, and too unknown. In truth, the order of anything coming to being is “What and Why” first. Then the “How and When” can more easily come later. But you have to start with “WHAT?”.


Sometimes the most helpful thing to show you what you want is to know what you don’t want. For example, let’s say you want a new job. You don’t know doing exactly what job. So start with what you know you don’t want. Maybe you know you don’t want to work nights. What if you know you don’t want to work weekends. Possibly you know that you don’t want to work for anyone else or maybe you know you don’t want to work in an office. 

woman sculpting pottery bowl

Knowing what you don’t want will help what you do want come into focus. Michael Angelo was asked how he could carve a horse out of marble. He answered that he just chips away all the marble that isn’t a horse. By slowly chipping away and being aware of what you don’t want, what you do want is what will be left. What’s left is what you work with going forward.

rainbow winking smiley face painted on man hole cover in the street

Way Of Enchanted Perspective #7: To Discover The Real You, Know What Makes You Smile.

This is one of our favorite … games….exercise…assignments to give people. But, of course, we also do it ourselves on a regular basis. We call it  “100 Things that Make Me Smile” Now, notice that the title isn’t about what makes you delirious in happiness or even what makes you laugh out loud. 

This project is about what makes you smile. By that, we mean what makes you think, “Awww…I like that…” or a feeling of gentle sweetness. We also literally mean day-to-day things that put even a hint of a smile on your face. 

can laying on its back with balls of yarn

We don’t believe in busy work or processes just for the purpose of feeling like you are doing something. We like things that work effectively and efficiently. Let us tell you the “Why” this can significantly affect discovering the REAL YOU, and then we will tell you more about the “How” with suitable examples. 

Getting back to the idea that people don’t get what they want because they don’t know what they want. To know the big stuff, you got to start with the small stuff. The small stuff can tell you volumes about yourself. For example, you will be surprised how much introspection the question, “What makes you smile,” creates.

hot air balloon floating in blue sky above yellow read flowers

We have done this exercise with groups sitting in a circle. It’s interesting to watch the energy of the room shift as people just speak out items to add to a group list. Thinking about what makes you smile makes you…..smile.

illustration of 100 things that make me smile blank template

So Here Is How You Do It.

Take a piece of paper. Number it with 4 columns of 25 (4 x 25 =100). You want to number first because one part of your brain counts, and another does the exercise. So let’s get the numbers done first. Then you can stay in your flow when items start coming to you. 

Most people will come up with 15-20 items with minor problems. After they have named their kids and their dog and their favorite ice cream, flower, and TV show…they tend to slow down. Now it’s time to get to the good stuff you might not have thought about lately. 

illustration of 100 things that make me smile with examples

Most people tend to get stuck on a topic like food, flowers, or cities. For this reason, we recommend that you skip around putting “the smell of Mom’s fried chicken” on number 26 space and “Dad’s spaghetti and meatballs” on number 42 space. This way, your list doesn’t read like a menu but is mixed up with different kinds of items. 

You get to list it all in whatever order you like. It’s just that people seem to be more pleased with their end product when there is a mixture of items. So do whatever…makes you smile (see what we did there?)

african american woman laying in the grass smiling

Take Your Time To Discover The Real You.

It’s ok to take a couple of days to finish this little project. Another thing it does is create a list of small things that matter to you. For example, when’s the last time someone asked you to think about what added to your pleasure of being alive and made your day nicer?

Energetically, we tend to find what we look for intentionally. So as you spend a couple of days noticing what makes you smile, you will generally find more things to smile about too. Sounds too easy, but we have watched it work every time. 

butterfly sitting on blade of grass with water droplets

Some examples from our list include the smell of puppy dog breath (not dog breath but puppy breath). Maybe the smell of clean babies right out of the bath and ready for bed. We like daisies, carnations, and butterflies. How about the smell of coffee or bacon while you are still in bed? What about a beloved song you haven’t heard in years coming on the radio just as you start a long drive? 

How about pink-frosted nail polish, pink lemonade, and Christmas lights? Then add bubbles, sprinkles, glitter, chalk written on the sidewalk, palm trees, new crayons (the kind with the sharpener in the back) etc., etc., etc. Get the idea? Any little thing that makes you smile will help you discover the REAL YOU. What makes you smile?

hygge desk scene coffee cup succulent pen glasses 100 things that make me smile list

Just As Handy As Your Grocery List.

Keep the list handy. You will be able to find something to make you feel better at a glance. If you wait till you are already in a…mood or have a hard day, you can’t think of anything to make you smile. But when you have suggestions already in front of you, it’s easy to grab one of them as a hope rope to a better feeling. 4 Powerful Reasons to Remember In The Darkness What You Learned In The Light

We both do this exercise ourselves a few times a year. Sometimes we even exchange lists. One year that is what we gave each other for birthday presents. We each gave the other a box full of little things that made us smile. This is also a great thing to do with your children. Kids have great answers. Play with it and have fun. 

diamgram summarizing 7 ways to discover the real you with enchanted perspectives.

So these 7 ways to discover the REAL YOU give you a place to start the journey of getting to know you. This isn’t a mystery, and it’s not a complicated equation. It’s who you are when no one is looking. It’s saying what you really mean, not what others want you to say. You can discover the REAL YOU a little Pixi-Pebble at a time. So take the time…because YOU are so very, very worth discovering.

Pixi-Pebbles…To Discover The Real You.

Pixi-Pebbles are songs, quotes, videos, interviews, movie references, and books that we each personally pick for you.

We’ve used these little Pixi-Pebbles to move ourselves from a feeling we’re not enjoying very much…to a feeling that helps us discover our vision of intention, awareness, and direction.

They lead us to hope, possibilities, and a fire under our butt to live life by design instead of default.

In our blog 7 Ways to Discover The Real You With Enchanted Perspectives message, here is a Pixi-Pebble that came to mind…

Just a little inspiration to get you from here to there...

Anytime we feel like we’ve lost ourselves, this song can always pull us back. Hope it might help you discover the real you too.

Click here to check out Cool Change  by the amazing Little River Band

Meet Nikki:

Nikki has a way of making almost anything meaningful, interesting, and fun. She loves cats, believes you can learn a lot about yourself by shooting hoops in the park, and has a mad love affair with trees. As a Certified Neuro-linguistic Programming Practitioner, Intentional Living Mentor, Reiki Master, and Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, she understands how to help others create change and has a talent for making you enjoy doing it.

Enchanted perspectives creator Nikki and Jennifer sitting against tree

Meet Jennifer:

Jennifer is a woman who definitely lives life by design. As an Artist, Certified Holistic Life Coach, Reiki Master Teacher, Spiritual Studies Mentor, and Certified EFT Practitioner, she helps others find their unique, magical, and authentic selves. She loves art, music, nature, travel and believes everyone can dance. Jennifer is a compassionate teacher that enjoys inspiring others to find their own creativity, intuition, and passion for life.
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