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Healing from People Pleasing is a process. It’s a process we all have had to go through. No matter how together we are, we have all had someone we wanted…to please. There are varying stories about how far you might have gone to please your “person.” Maybe you just wanted to avoid conflict, or you were all in and changed who you were to keep the ball rolling down a path of “please like/love me.”
You know you have become an official People Pleaser when that way of operating isn’t unique but how you are with pretty much everyone. Have you made a lifetime commitment to “Keeping the peace,” “Choosing your battles,” and letting others get their way (even when it’s the wrong way for you)? Then you might need some healing from People Pleasing.
Healing from People Pleasing takes a little time. It’s about filling in those holes in your being that were created by giving away your power. These are not just little side effects. They are perspective changes in your vision of who you are and your interactions with…EVERYONE. So let’s talk about this. What might you notice when you decide to take your own steps of healing from People Pleasing? 7 Ways to Discover the Real You With Enchanted Perspectives
Amazing Way Healing From People Pleasing Can Rewrite Who You Are #1-
You Stop Making Yourself Fit Into Everyone Else’s Box.
There is a reason why we need healing when we have spent too much time trying to keep everyone else happy. BECAUSE PEOPLE PLEASING IS EXHAUSTING. We think we are just going along and keeping the peace. But we are really changing who we are for every person we know.
Imagine if you had five business appointments tomorrow and you had to change clothes for every meeting. That is what we do when we change who we are, how we think, and maybe even how we look for each person in our lives. For some, it can feel like fake power, being a chameleon and blending in with every group of people. It’s good to be flexible and open to other’s ideas. However, when you are someone you aren’t just to fit into someone else’s life, job description, or fantasy; you are recreating yourself in someone else’s image.
Stand solid in who you are, say what you mean, mean what you say, and be who you say you are. Be kind, be patient, and be cooperative. However, DO NOT become someone else to fit into someone else’s box of who you should be.
Amazing Way Healing From People Pleasing Can Rewrite Who You Are #2-
You Stop Recreating Yourself To Keep Everyone Happy And Find Your Own Happiness.
A client once said that she was tired of her own pattern in relationships. She realized that when she met a man, she would find out what his dream date was like. Then, she would become just that. What he liked was what she wanted. What mattered to him now mattered to her.
Time would go by, and she would find herself unhappy in the relationship and leave. The men would be left scratching their heads, wondering what happened. What happened was that she would lose who she really was. She would become exhausted and resentful of being what he wanted her to be. Then, she would need to spend time alone to find herself again.
The men in her life often had not even asked her to change. She just thought they wouldn’t want her if she were…just herself. So, she became the answer to every prayer and problem. Finally, she declared, “I’m tired of making men fall in love with a woman who doesn’t really exist.” 7 Ways to Discover the Real You With Enchanted Perspectives
A Great Resource On This:
Years ago, SARK wrote a book called, “Succulent Wild Woman.” It’s a beautiful book, and most of it’s in crayon. (How can you not love a book written in crayon?) There is a chapter called “The Good Girlfriend Must Die.” She talks about her healing from trying to do all the right things, be everything to everybody, and keep the current man in her life happy. Click here to get your copy of Succulent Wild Woman.
This scenario can happen with friends, family, and co-workers. There is a difference between enjoying doing nice things for people and needing to keep someone happy to keep them around. There is a difference between wanting to add to someone’s happiness and ignoring your own. You are healing from People Pleasing when other people’s happiness matters…but so does yours.
If constantly adjusting your opinion and actions is the only thing keeping a friend or lover here… then you don’t really have them. Your work is to define who you are, design who you are, and discover what makes you happy. When you do that, other people who like your flavor of sparkle dust will just…show up. No rebuilding yourself for them will be needed.
Amazing Way Healing From People Pleasing Can Rewrite Who You Are #3-
You Stop Worrying About What Others Think Of You And Start Knowing What You Think Of You.
All of us have moments of being self-conscious and overly self-critical. However, when you do it continually, you are probably People Pleasing. Part of the human condition is wanting to be liked, loved, seen, heard, and understood. That is healthy and very human. It is a problem when you care more about what others think of you than you know what you think of yourself. 7 Ways to Discover the Real You With Enchanted Perspectives
It is not self-absorbed to have clarity on what you bring to the party. It’s also not conceded to like who you are and love who you are becoming. What do YOU think of you? That’s what matters.
Take a piece of paper and make two columns. Title the first one, “What I like about me.” In this list, write what you know you like about yourself. Include what you are good at and what you contribute to those around you from a genuine heart.
Just To Give You Ideas:
Examples:
- I like helping others.
- I am a good listener.
- I like my hair.
- I like how I always do what I say I’ll do.
- I like my sense of humor.
- I like my ability to problem solve.
- I like how I think quickly.
- I like how I can find the good in almost any situation.
- I like my ability to see someone’s good points.
Write “What I’m still working on” in the second column. This isn’t a place to be judging and callous with yourself. This is a place to take stock of things you want to do better, learn to do, or stop doing.
Examples:
- I would like to be more self-aware and less self-conscious.
- I would like to do more self-discovery work, such as meditation and journaling.
- I would like to start speaking up for myself but in a fair and kind way.
- I would like to be more fit and strong.
- I would like to be more aware of my self-talk.
- I would like more clarity on what I want and what matters to me.
This will be a starting point for realizing what you know about you. It will also be the start of a map to what really matters, the life you really want, and who you really are. Isn’t that the map you’ve been looking for?
Amazing Way Healing From People Pleasing Can Rewrite Who You Are #4-
You Realize That What You Want Matters Too.
Somewhere, someone taught us that if you really care about someone, what they want should matter to you. Well, that part is true. But those who find themself in People Pleasing took it a step further. Somewhere, we decided this meant forfeiting what matters to us so everyone else could have what matters to them. This is backward to how life really works. Trying to keep everyone pleased is a cup with holes in it. You can never fill it. You can never do enough.
The real way to contribute to what matters to others is to be solid in what matters to you. We can’t give what we don’t have. You can’t fill empty cups with an empty pitcher. Think of someone you know who is grounded in who they are in a heart-solid way.
They are also usually solid in what matters to them, active in what matters to them, and living in what matters to them. This is the person you feel safe with. This is the person that you know you can turn to for help. People who live in this self-awareness usually want to help others find it too. What if you were this person? What matters to you? 7 Ways to Discover the Real You With Enchanted Perspectives
Amazing Way Healing From People Pleasing Can Rewrite Who You Are #5-
You Will Have Good Boundaries, Take No Poopy-doo, And Still Be A Nice Person To Be Around.
The opposite of people pleasing is not being a self-centered jerk. You don’t have to run a wrecking ball through your relationships to hold good boundaries. You just may have to reeducate a few people about your rules of relationship.
You can begin healing from People Pleasing and still be kind, considerate, caring, and giving. You will be a genuine version of yourself who knows what matters to you and doesn’t forfeit that to keep others happy. You won’t allow yourself to be out-talked, manipulated or bullied. Saying no to those things does not make you a bad person. It makes you a genuine person.
When you stop tap dancing and trying to keep everyone happy, you will now have the energy to rewrite who you are. We promise everyone will enjoy that person much more because you won’t become less caring and giving. You will become more. You will have more to share because there will be more of you. Don’t worry. You’ve got this.
Pixi-Pebbles For Healing From People Pleasing.
Pixi-Pebbles are songs, quotes, videos, interviews, movie references, and books that we each personally pick for you.
We’ve used these little Pixi-Pebbles to move ourselves from a feeling we’re not enjoying very much…to a feeling that helps us discover our vision of intention, awareness, and direction.
They lead us to hope, possibilities, and a fire under our butt to live life by design instead of default.
In our blog, Amazing Ways Healing From People Pleasing Can Rewrite Who You Really Are, here is a Pixi-Pebble that came to mind…
Just a little inspiration to get you from here to there…
Who better than Oprah to provide a Pixi-Pebble for Healing From People Pleasing? Oprah has a term we think is pretty catchy and poignant...The Disease To Please. If you need some light hearted, easy to listen to inspiration to heal from people pleasing, check out this talk from Oprah…Click Here.
