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If People Pleasing is giving away your power to please others or avoid conflict, what is the opposite of People Pleasing? The misperception is that the opposite of People Pleasing is People Displeasing, right?
Isn’t that the fear? What if you aren’t pleasing those around you, keeping the peace, and not making waves? Wouldn’t that make you someone quite the opposite? Maybe you picture yourself becoming difficult to get along with, irritating, arrogant, or that word that rhymes with “itchy.”
Well, what if we told you the opposite of People Pleasing is actually Empowerment While Still Being Nice? We spend a lot of time explaining that to clients and sometimes even to friends. It would be fun if it had a cool acronym. But it is precisely what it is in whole words, “ Empowerment While Still Being Nice.”
You can be a strong, independent, empowered, sure-of-yourself human being and still be a pleasant person to be around at the same time. One does not cancel out the other.
There are so many who want to stop their People Pleasing ways. However, it’s been their tool for managing people and situations for too long. They aren’t sure what life would look like without it. When they think of doing life another way, they worry about not being nice anymore. 7 Ways to Discover the Real You With Enchanted Perspectives
What Is People Pleasing?
You can start People Pleasing on one topic, with only one person, or with everyone about everything. You are People Pleasing when you give away your preferences and personal power just to please someone else. People Pleasing can also be about focusing too much on keeping someone from getting angry, showing displeasure, or acting out.
Typically, People Pleasing also includes avoiding confrontation. The person’s People Pleasing habits often stem from childhood. It can begin with a kid trying to keep an adult happy. This creates a feeling of rejection and a lack of self-confidence.
If accompanied by an awareness of not having stable ground to stand on, it can also create a feeling of being unsure and unsafe. The feeling can be situational, or it could have been around so long it feels like part of who you are.
An example of a People Pleasing situation would be a person who is very strong and clear in their job but a nervous wreck with their mother-in-law. The lack of a solid place to stand with who you really are can make you feel vulnerable. What’s the best way to avoid problems when you are People Pleasing? Just don’t get into confrontations. Go along, keep the peace, and keep your opinions to yourself. There…no conflict…no issues…done and done.
Problem is…It Doesn’t Work…Not Long-Term, Anyway.
That sounds practical on a lousy day but only encourages more People Pleasing. Some folks practice People Pleasing as a way to manage social situations. They often feel small and believe their feelings don’t matter. They allow others to have their way to keep from feeling any smaller or more vulnerable. 7 Ways to Discover the Real You With Enchanted Perspectives
This can create even more disconnection from their true self. They have created a very icky situation where they lose no matter what they do. If they stand up, they might lose the fight, and if they go along…they might lose themselves.
To our Ego brain, People Pleasing seems like an easy choice. It’s a type of avoidance that makes sense until… it doesn’t anymore. You will know you’ve come to that spot when some little voice inside says, “What about me?” “What about what I want?” “When do I get to do what I want to do?”
You might try to shame this little voice into submission, but it will only get louder. To others, this might look like defiance. They might also try to shame it out of you, calling you selfish. It’s interesting that when you do what others want, it’s not a thing to them.
But when you do what you want, friends and family can quickly go to the S word. They feel they aren’t being selfish for wanting you to go along. But you are being selfish for being true to yourself. Huh…what a concept?
These Feelings Can Create Some Odd People Pleasing Math.
People Pleasing = Nice Person.
Not People Pleasing = Someone Hard To Be Around.
We all fear that if we are hard to be around, we aren’t going to be loved. It’s the fear that can keep anyone in People Pleasing time out. Once that “What about me?” voice is louder than the “What I want doesn’t matter voice” things are about to shift. You will feel a new urgency, a new energy, a feeling like you are in a box too small for your existence. 7 Ways to Discover the Real You With Enchanted Perspectives
Often the people manipulating you are people you love and care about, and they love and care about you. They might not even know they are manipulating you or you are just going along. Sometimes, you have played the People Pleasing part so well that they think it’s who you are. When that little “What about me?” voice shows up, things are about to change, and others might be slightly surprised.
Grab A Cup Of Coffee. Let’s Talk About This. What Is The Opposite of People Pleasing?
If you stop People Pleasing, what do you do instead? Who are you? The opposite of People Pleasing is YOU being a person with healthy boundaries and a solid vision of your identity.
The opposite of People Pleasing really is Empowerment While Still Being Nice. It means standing on your own solid ground and giving value to who you are as a person while still holding others in grace. Don’t worry. The more grace you learn to give yourself, the more you will have to give to others.
These Empowered While Still Being Nice people care about their friends and family. They care about the world’s state and their communities needs. They are often of meaningful service to those around them. BUT they don’t do for others at the cost of their peace, health, well-being, or their sense of right. They do what they do because it feels good to be that person.
They don’t tolerate bullies or manipulators. Start throwing your weight around; they will tell you in a solid yet nice voice to back off. They don’t want to control anyone, and they don’t let anyone manipulate or control them. Quoting Wayne Dyer, they aren’t trying to be better than anyone else. They are just trying to be better than they were yesterday.
Who Would I Be If I Weren’t People Pleasing? Can I Really Do What’s The Opposite Of People Pleasing?
Who would you be? You would be a pleasant person who takes no poopy-doo. You would be a confident soul who feels good in your skin. You might love adding to others’ happiness, and who doesn’t like approval from those we love?
But those things would be a bonus. They would no longer be something that you would forfeit your well-being to get. You also won’t be willing to do anything to avoid conflict. Instead of avoiding conflict, you will get very good at being solution oriented.
How Do I Stop People Pleasing? Is It Really Possible To Change?
If you have chosen to stop People Pleasing, you’re gonna need new tools. You’ll have to replace that one where you give up your power to keep the peace. You’ll retire giving in to manipulations by addressing the situation or stepping away because you no longer play those games.
First, you have to give yourself permission to be the REAL YOU. Then you have to give yourself credit and realize your value. This shift in perspective often comes at an unforeseen moment. Suddenly, that voice gets really loud, “Yeah…what about me? What about what I want?”
If you can listen at that moment (Hint: If you’ve read this far, you are probably standing in that moment right now), you will feel yourself grant your spirit permission to create change. You won’t just think it’s a good idea. You won’t be able to tolerate anything else.
Don’t be surprised if others are…surprised. If you’ve gone along for so long, it will feel odd when you say, “What about this idea instead?” It will feel different to those around you when you stop saying “Yes,” when you really wanted to say “No.”
It All Starts With Trusting The Real You.
Trust that voice that is calling you. It’s been waiting for a very long time. Trust that it is wise and will lead you to the next step. That need to do things differently will be your north star to being true to yourself. That voice pulling at you quickly knows the answer: “What is the opposite of people pleasing?” It will lead to your unique version of Empowerment While Still Being Nice.
We are so excited for you!! Things are about to change in your world in an excellent way. Where do you start? Start where you are. Here’s a very short video that is a powerful place to get you started. The Real You-Video
Pixi-Pebbles For Living The Opposite of People Pleasing
Pixi-Pebbles are songs, quotes, videos, interviews, movie references, and books that we each personally pick for you.
We’ve used these little Pixi-Pebbles to move ourselves from a feeling we’re not enjoying very much…to a feeling that helps us discover our vision of intention, awareness, and direction.
They lead us to hope, possibilities, and a fire under our butt to live life by design instead of default.
In our blog, What Is The Opposite Of People Pleasing? Empowerment While Still Being Nice, here is a Pixi-Pebble that came to mind…
Just a little inspiration to get you from here to there…
Kelsea Ballerini gives us a great “No More People Pleasing” anthem. Go ahead…click here and turn it up load..and sing it like you mean it now… cause you do.
